Have you ever wondered why certain emotions seem to come up at the most inconvenient times, especially when you’re starting something new? Let’s say you meet someone, and things seem perfect—there’s a spark, that sense of excitement, like you’ve known each other forever. But then, out of nowhere, you find yourself feeling uneasy, anxious, or even suspicious. It's not that the other person did anything wrong, but your mind starts spiraling with doubt. Why does this happen when all you wanted was to enjoy the moment?

The brain, in all its complexity, has a fascinating way of connecting past experiences to present ones. This phenomenon is rooted in how neurons in our brain work. Neurologists often say, “Neurons that fire together, wire together.” It’s a simple way of explaining that the brain builds connections based on repeated experiences. If you think, feel, or experience something enough times together, your brain eventually wires those things as a package deal. So, when one part of that package is triggered, the rest follows automatically.

Think about it: we’ve all experienced both joy and pain in life. Imagine a time when you fell in love—it felt amazing, like you were floating. But what if that love was followed by heartache, maybe even betrayal? As far as the brain is concerned, love and betrayal now belong together. It's as if the two have become linked in your mind. And long after the betrayal, when new love comes into your life, that old wiring starts firing off again, without you even realizing it.

Here’s the tricky part: these connections happen without our conscious approval. You’re not actively thinking, “This new person will betray me,” but because of that old wiring, the emotions from the past are triggered. It’s as if your brain hits replay on a song that’s been ingrained into your emotional playlist. So, while you’re standing there with someone new, hoping for joy, your mind is pulling in the emotions of doubt and fear.

This is where things get even more interesting—and challenging. The brain doesn’t discriminate between the past and the present. It simply reacts based on what it’s been conditioned to expect. This automatic reaction is called a conditioned response. The classic example of this in psychology is Pavlov’s dogs.

Pavlov rang a bell every time he fed his dogs. Over time, the dogs started salivating just from hearing the bell, even if no food was present. Their brains connected the sound of the bell to the expectation of food.

Now, humans are far more complex than dogs, but the principle is the same. Our brains can link unrelated experiences, and once those connections are wired, they fire without us even being aware of it. Think about how that plays out in real life. You meet someone new, someone who genuinely cares for you. Logically, there’s no reason to feel afraid or anxious. But your brain is wired in such a way that love is now linked with pain or betrayal. Even though this new person has done nothing wrong, your brain fires off those old emotions, causing you to feel insecure or suspicious.

This automatic response happens at such a deep level that it’s easy to believe those emotions are true reflections of the present. It’s as if your brain is on autopilot, running the same emotional patterns over and over again. And because these emotions feel real, we react to them as if they were true, which can impact our relationships, our decisions, and how we show up in life. It’s a bit like driving a car with the brakes on—no matter how hard you try to move forward, something keeps holding you back.

You see, conditioned responses don’t give us a choice. They operate below the level of conscious thought, so we don’t even realize what’s happening. It’s as though our past is running the show, dictating our reactions to new experiences. This is why so many of us find ourselves stuck in the same emotional patterns, even when we’re fully aware that they’re not serving us. We want to trust, to love, to feel free, but our brains are wired for something else, something that often brings up fear, jealousy, or sadness.

What makes this especially challenging is that these conditioned responses can create a cycle. The more we react in the same way, the stronger those neural connections become. It’s like deepening a groove in a record—the pattern becomes more and more automatic, and we find it harder to break free. This is why we may find ourselves repeatedly sabotaging relationships, getting caught in negative emotional spirals, or feeling stuck in life, even though we know better.

But what’s happening inside of us isn’t the full picture. It’s just a reflection of how our brain has been wired. And while it might feel like we’re doomed to repeat the same patterns forever, the truth is, these patterns can be changed. The brain has an incredible ability to rewire itself, a concept known as neuroplasticity. This means that the connections our brains have made aren’t set in stone. With the right awareness and tools, we can create new pathways, new emotional patterns, and new ways of experiencing life.

However, this doesn’t happen by accident or by sheer willpower. Just as those old neural connections were created through repeated experiences, new ones are formed in the same way—through consistent, intentional practice. And it’s not something that happens overnight. The key is becoming aware of these automatic responses and learning how to interrupt them. By doing so, we can begin to change the way we experience the world and create more empowering emotional patterns.

You’re not your past, and you’re not the automatic patterns your brain has wired. The beauty of being human is that we have the ability to change, to grow, and to rewire our inner experience. It’s about becoming aware of what’s driving us and understanding that we have the power to create a new way of being. The journey might not be easy, but the potential for transformation is immense.

If you’re ready to explore this deeper, the Inner Foundation Series can help you break these automatic patterns and cultivate a new internal experience, allowing you to move forward with freedom and clarity.