Have you ever been in the middle of a big decision and felt completely stuck, unsure which way to turn? Maybe you were deciding whether to change careers, move to a new city, or start or end a relationship. In that moment of uncertainty, how many times has someone asked, "But how do you feel about it?" The question often implies that your emotions hold the key to the right answer—that if you can just tune into your feelings, the path forward will become clear.

Our culture often teaches us to rely on our emotions when making major decisions, as if they are the most reliable indicator of what we should do. Phrases like "follow your heart" are common advice, suggesting that emotions offer us clarity. But while emotions can feel intense and urgent, they’re not always the best guide when it comes to navigating life’s complexities. In fact, using emotions as the primary tool for making decisions can lead us in circles, repeating the same patterns over and over again.

The question "How do you feel about it?" seems to assume that emotions are objective and trustworthy, but in reality, emotions are often reflections of past experiences. When you access your emotions in a difficult moment, what you’re really doing is tapping into emotional responses that have been shaped by everything you've been through before. Those feelings are not necessarily based on what’s happening now; they are based on what’s already happened. And because they reflect the past, they may not point you in the right direction for the future.

Emotions Reflect the Past, Not the Future

Let’s take someone like Katie, for example. Katie is struggling with whether to take a promotion at work. It’s a big leap forward, but it also means more responsibility, longer hours, and the pressure to perform at a higher level. On the surface, she knows that accepting the promotion would advance her career, but when she asks herself how she feels about it, doubt and anxiety flood in. These emotions make her hesitate. They make her question her capability and whether she’s truly ready for the challenge.

But here’s the catch: Katie’s emotions are rooted in past experiences of feeling overwhelmed and uncertain in previous jobs. Her feelings are tied to moments when she doubted herself, and while those experiences are valid, they don’t necessarily reflect her current abilities or the reality of the new opportunity. Yet, by focusing on those emotions, Katie risks turning down the promotion—not because it’s the wrong move, but because her emotions are bringing her back to old patterns of fear and insecurity.

What Katie is experiencing is something we all go through at one point or another. We try to make new choices, but our emotional reactions are often driven by old experiences. Even if we deeply desire change—whether it’s a new job, a fulfilling relationship, or a more meaningful life—our emotions can keep us stuck in the same cycle, repeating the same mistakes or avoiding new opportunities out of fear. If we allow emotions to lead the way, we might stay in the same familiar, yet unfulfilling, territory for far too long.

Break Free from the Emotional Loop

The truth is, emotions are not the direct line to clarity or truth that we’re often led to believe they are. Instead, emotions are more like echoes of where we’ve been. They are shaped by past experiences, conditioning, and deeply ingrained patterns. When we rely solely on them to guide our decisions, we may find ourselves caught in a loop—feeling as if nothing ever really changes, no matter what decisions we make.

Think about it: how many times have you tried to make a major change, only to find yourself in a situation that feels eerily similar to the one you were trying to escape? You might have switched jobs, but after a few months, the same stress and dissatisfaction set in. You might have started a new relationship, only to experience the same conflicts and frustrations. On the surface, things seem different, but on the inside, everything feels exactly the same. That’s because emotions, when left unchecked, have the power to recreate our past in the present.

Learning to Harness Your Emotions

If we want to create something new—whether that’s a more fulfilling career, deeper relationships, or a life that feels aligned with who we really are—we need to stop letting emotions drive our decisions. Instead, we need to recognize emotions for what they are: powerful signals of where we’ve been, not where we’re going.

This doesn’t mean we should ignore or suppress our emotions. Far from it. Emotions are a vital part of our human experience. They give us insight into our internal world and help us understand how we relate to the external world. But if we want to break free from the patterns that have kept us stuck, we need to learn how to work with our emotions in a different way. Rather than allowing them to determine our decisions, we can learn to harness their energy and use them as tools to create something new.

It’s like driving a car. The engine provides the power to move forward, but you still have to steer the wheel. Your emotions are the fuel that can propel you, but they need to be directed consciously. If you let them take over, they may steer you back to the same old paths, even when you’re aiming for a new destination.

When we learn to direct our emotions, rather than be directed by them, we gain the ability to create a future that looks different from our past. We stop replaying old scripts and start writing new ones. We stop asking ourselves, "How do I feel about this?" as the final word on our decisions, and instead, we begin asking, "What kind of life do I want to create?"

Create Your Future, Not Your Past

If we want to experience a new kind of relationship—one that’s based on mutual respect, deep connection, and love—we can’t let old emotional patterns lead the way. If we want a career that excites us and fulfills us, we can’t let the fear of past failures dictate our choices. To truly create something different, we need to take control of our emotional patterns, guiding them toward the future we want to build, rather than letting them drag us back to the past we’re trying to leave behind.

At the end of the day, emotions are a powerful force, but they’re not the final word. They are a tool—one that can either keep us stuck or help us move forward, depending on how we use them. When we learn to harness and direct them, rather than follow them blindly, we open up the possibility for real transformation.

If you’re ready to break free from old emotional patterns and create a future that looks different from your past, the Inner Foundation Series can help you master the art of emotional transformation, allowing you to create the life you truly desire.