I remember waking up one morning, feeling fine. Nothing unusual. But then, within minutes, this unexpected heaviness settled in. It wasn’t loud or dramatic—it was just there, lingering.

And then I realized why.

A thought had crossed my mind—one I didn’t consciously invite. Something had changed in my life, and I wasn’t ready to accept it. I felt disappointed. Sad, even. And just like that, my entire emotional state had shifted.

But here’s the thing—I had a full day ahead of me. A packed schedule. Clients depending on me to be present, clear, engaged. I did not have time to carry this sadness around all day.

And yet, that’s what most of us do. We assume that if we feel something, we have to stay in it. That if sadness or frustration shows up, we’re just stuck riding that wave until it decides to pass.

But that’s not how emotions work.

The truth is, emotions aren’t random. They’re trained. And because they’re trained, they can also be retrained.

That’s what we’re talking about today—how emotions get wired into your system and how you can stop being at the mercy of whatever feeling happens to show up.

Emotions Feel Like Truth—But They Aren’t

Have you ever noticed how, when you’re in a bad mood, the world just looks worse? Traffic is more annoying. People are less understanding. Even little things, like the way someone phrases a text, suddenly feels personal.

That’s because emotions shape how we perceive reality. They don’t just influence our thoughts—they direct them. When you feel sad, you remember things that validate sadness. When you feel angry, you recall moments that justify anger. The emotional state comes first, and then your mind scrambles to make sense of it.

But here’s the key insight: Just because an emotion feels true doesn’t mean it is true.

The emotion isn’t necessarily a reflection of reality—it’s a reflection of your conditioning.

The Hidden Training Behind Your Emotional Reactions

Most people assume emotions are spontaneous. That they happen to us. But the truth is, emotions are trained.

From childhood, your nervous system has been learning—through repetition—what emotional states to default to. Every time you experience an emotion in a particular context, your brain makes a note: Oh, this is what we do here.

For example, if you grew up in an environment where frustration was the go-to response to uncertainty, that response got reinforced over and over until it became automatic. Now, as an adult, when uncertainty shows up? Your nervous system doesn’t even pause—it just fires off frustration because that’s the track it knows.

But the same way emotions were trained, they can also be retrained.

Emotional Choice Begins with Awareness

This is where most people get stuck. They assume that if an emotion is automatic, it must be uncontrollable. But automatic doesn’t mean permanent.

Think of it like muscle memory. If you’ve ever learned a physical skill—whether it’s playing an instrument, lifting weights, or even typing—you know that your body can learn to do things unconsciously. At first, you have to concentrate, but over time, your brain does it without effort.

Emotions work the same way. Right now, your nervous system defaults to certain emotions. But you can train it to default somewhere else. And the first step in doing that? Awareness.

You can’t change a pattern you don’t see. So the moment you notice yourself caught in an emotion—whether it’s frustration, sadness, disappointment—that’s actually a breakthrough moment. It means you’re not fully consumed by it. There’s a part of you witnessing it.

And if you can witness it, you can shift it.

A Client Story

I had a client once who always struggled with resentment at work. He had this one colleague who just got under his skin. Every time they interacted, my client felt this automatic frustration bubble up. And he was convinced it was because this coworker was just that annoying.

But when we started unpacking it, he realized—he had felt that same frustration in so many other situations. The coworker wasn’t causing the emotion; his nervous system was just using that person as a trigger.

Once he saw that, things started shifting. The same behaviors were happening, but he was different. And as his reaction changed, so did his experience at work.

The external situation didn’t change. He did.

If you’re ready to start training your emotional patterns at a deeper level, that’s exactly what I help people do. I’ve created a process designed to help you become aware of—and shift—the emotional patterns running your life. If that speaks to you, I’d love for you to check it out.

And if you’re looking for more insights like this, I share a ton of practical wisdom on Instagram @mikewangcoaching and in my weekly newsletter. No fluff—just straight-to-the-point perspectives that help you train your mind and emotions for more clarity and fulfillment. Feel free to subscribe if that sounds like something you’d find helpful.