The Real Source of Your Power: Mastering Inner Experiences

Have you ever felt like no matter how hard you try, you just can’t get people to act the way you want them to? Maybe you’ve had an argument with a partner or a friend, and you found yourself thinking, “If only they could see things my way, this would be so much easier.” Or maybe you’ve been frustrated by politics or workplace dynamics, feeling powerless to change the decisions being made. It’s exhausting, isn’t it? Like you’re carrying the weight of the world, yet nothing changes.

What if I told you that we lose our power the moment we try to control what others do, how they feel, or even the outcomes we want? But there is a way to reclaim that energy—and it starts within.

The Illusion of Control

Let’s be honest: we’ve all tried to control situations or people at some point. Maybe it’s subtle, like trying to get your partner to open up when they clearly need space. Or maybe it’s bigger, like trying to convince a friend or family member to see the world the way you do. The problem is, the more energy we put into controlling something outside of ourselves, the more powerless we feel when it doesn’t work.

Think about it: Have you ever been in a political debate where both sides left feeling heard and changed? Probably not. Why? Because most people resist being controlled or told what to do—even when the intentions are good.

This need to control often comes from fear: fear of being misunderstood, fear of conflict, or fear of outcomes we don’t want. And while fear is a normal response, it tricks us into focusing on things we can’t change, pulling us further away from where our actual power lies.

Where Your Power Truly Resides

Here’s the truth: Your real power doesn’t come from controlling people, events, or outcomes—it comes from how you manage your own inner experience. This means training your mind, emotions, and nervous system to stay steady, no matter what’s happening around you.

Let’s break it down. In a heated argument, for example, you have two choices: You can focus on “winning” and trying to change the other person, or you can take a moment to regulate yourself—calm your breath, recognize your triggers, and choose how you want to respond.

That second choice is where your power lives. When you prioritize managing your emotions over controlling someone else’s, you show up differently. You think more clearly. You listen instead of react. You create the possibility for connection instead of conflict.

This doesn’t mean you stop caring about what happens or what people do—it just means you shift your energy toward what you can influence: your thoughts, your feelings, and your actions.

Relationships, Politics, and Beyond: Real-World Examples

Let’s look at relationships. Maybe your partner is upset and shutting down. If you try to force them to talk or fix their mood, what usually happens? They withdraw even more. But if you take a moment to center yourself—calm your emotions, let go of the need to “fix” them—you create a safer space for them to come to you naturally. You stay present, rather than adding to the tension.

Or let’s take politics. So many people feel overwhelmed by the state of the world. You see decisions being made that frustrate you, and it’s tempting to believe the solution is to convince others to change. But when has yelling or arguing on social media ever solved anything? Instead, you might choose to focus your energy on how you can contribute. Maybe you volunteer, have calm and thoughtful conversations, or simply model the values you want to see.

In both examples, the shift isn’t about giving up—it’s about focusing your efforts on what you can control: your inner experience and your responses. This not only reduces personal suffering but also creates space for real, meaningful influence.

Reducing Suffering by Letting Go of Control

Here’s the most freeing realization: The less energy you spend trying to control others, the less frustrated and drained you’ll feel. It doesn’t mean you stop caring—it means you stop gripping so tightly to things you can’t change and, instead, use that energy to focus on yourself.

When you focus inward—on training your mind, emotions, and nervous system—you build a foundation that’s steady, no matter what’s happening around you. You can stay calm in conflict, patient in uncertainty, and clear in your actions.

And here’s the surprising part: When you stop trying to control people, they often soften. Relationships become less combative. You start to see possibilities where before there were only roadblocks.

One reflective practice to try:

The next time you feel the urge to control—whether it’s a person, a situation, or an outcome—pause. Take a breath. Ask yourself: What’s within my power right now? Shift your focus there. You might be amazed at how much lighter you feel.

Bringing It All Together

The greatest shifts in life happen when we reclaim the energy we’ve been spending on things we can’t control. By focusing on your inner experience—your thoughts, your emotions, your nervous system—to regain clarity, strength, and peace. This shift doesn’t just reduce your suffering; it transforms how you show up in the world.

If this resonates with you and you’re ready to explore this deeper, I’ve created a training process that helps you develop these exact skills. Through it, you’ll learn how to cultivate emotional resilience, align your inner states with your goals, and shift how you approach relationships and challenges. It’s not about quick fixes—it’s about lasting transformation that starts from within.

You can check out some free resources I’ve made, like my Instagram @mikewangcoaching or my weekly newsletter, where I share insights and inspiration to help you on this journey. And if you’re ready to take it a step further, I’d love for you to explore what I’ve created—it might be exactly what you’re looking for.